My Parents have a DVD hire thing set up with Amazon, and we got "kung-fu Hustle" through the post the other day, and knowing what a great film it was the whole family sat down to watch it on Friday night , and we put it in, 'Disk Error'....Uh oh...
We take the Disk out, and i have to laugh, How on earth Dad didn't manage to spot it Before he put it in the player i have no idea, But the DVD is practically in two pieces, A huge crack right across the middle. So anyways we decided to watch "Roxanne"(if you don't know this film, then go watch it, very very funny)...And we were all nearly wetting ourselves laughing, and well i had had the first alcohol i had had in about 2 weeks, an it had gone straight to my head....hehe.
This alcohol consumption however did mean i failed to loose anyweight on Friday.., which is a real shame as i have managed to loose 9lbs in the last 7 days with out too much trouble and without starving myself, Which i am nothing short of delighted about.
I am aiming to be 175lbs by Christmas, which means i still have about 15lbs to loose, but that is like 12 weeks away...Hehe.
And to be honest my real aim is to be 165lbs, or less, by the time Drew sees me again, I mean that is real motivation, i would love nothing more for him to see me again, and be like "Wow"....hehe.
Anyways, I digress....hehe. Went over to Pete and Stephy's house last night, with Ben, Ric was already there, And somehow he had managed to "Aquire" some weed, which he and Pete had already been smoking for about an hour by the time we got there...Hehe. Was really funny, Particually Ric, as he is only a little guy and it really seemed to hit him, he kept Freaking himself out, Convincing himself the Police were going to come and Raid the flat, and then when me and Ric went to Pick up Stephy in my car, He was giving me directions in german, In a scotish accent, Was so funny, i was having trouble driving....hehe
so we went back to the flat again, and me and Stephy were the only ones Sober, and not stoned...and were just laughing at the three guys. We decided to watch Shaun of the Dead, Which apparently is even funnier when you are stoned....Or so i guessd from the fact that Ric couldn't stop laughing.
We had a Macdonalds as the guys wanted it...And were going on and on...and stayed at the flat till about 1am. By which time they were all crashing, and well me and Stephy decided to get the boys to bed, before they decided they needed to start smoking again...hehe
But all in all a very amusing night, just wish i had had the video camera with me....;-)
Sunday 30 September 2007
Friday 28 September 2007
Paint and Cleaning
Spent a large part of Today painting again, Seems to be all i am doing at the moment. but the cleaner came today, so we had her Clean the room i have been decorating, and started moving Toby's stuff back into his room, I might finally be able to move my stuff into Haddons room in a day or too, seeing as he is in scotland till Christmas.
My Mum is painting the edging in the room at the moment, then i just have a second coat of paint to put on one and a bit walls and then it is DONE!!!....Wooo....
Hehehe it does look awesome, so might even have it finished tonight.
other than that a very quiet day, I have been really tired all day, my parents woke me up really early. might have an early night, well we will see..
My Mum is painting the edging in the room at the moment, then i just have a second coat of paint to put on one and a bit walls and then it is DONE!!!....Wooo....
Hehehe it does look awesome, so might even have it finished tonight.
other than that a very quiet day, I have been really tired all day, my parents woke me up really early. might have an early night, well we will see..
Thursday 27 September 2007
Ranting!
Well sometimes i just don't remember why i even bother, My Mum obviously woke up on the wrong side of bed AGAIN!, Always seems to be the way, So i get woken up at like 7:30 by her screaming at Max over the stupidest things, he is Upset and getting less and less likely to co-operate by the minute, Dad is getting Irritated, because he doesn't know how to deal with these situations, Toby is just trying to get ready for school, and leave on time, but keeps getting got at for no reason, and all i want is for her to shut the f**k up and let me actually get a few hours sleep, but no, her majesty isn't having a perfect day so lets make everyone elses life hell.
I knew then this was going to be a really sh*tty day.
So having been woken up by her ranting and crying, i decide there is no point trying to sleep, so at 8am, very annoyed and very tired, but desperatly wanting to make today easier for everyone, i get up.
I go downstairs, Put the laundry on, and try to keep out of everyones way, till the boys have gone to school, So Mum and Dad go into the study to work, which means Dad works while Mum "Works" meaning answering E-mails. *rolls eyes* Don't know why he puts up with it, I guess she must do some work occasionally.
but while they are in the Study working, I hang out the laundry Empty the Dishwasher, Reconstruct Toby's Desk, move his Furniture back, Put up most of his Shelves, Reload the Diskwasher, and move the Drill, tools and Workmate up to Toby's room, So my Dad can easily sort the bits i can't.
So they Eventually go up and look at what needs doing in Toby's room about an hour later, and all Mum says is "we need the Drawer of Drill bits".
So off i go to go and get it, go into the garage quickly, grab the Drawer and "WHY THE HELL IS THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN". Great Mother has found another thing to blame on me.....S**T.
I was in there LESS THAN 30 SECONDS. and it is ME who has been complaining about the cold and it being left open for HOURS for like the last week, and so i finally loose it, and she starts throwing Plastic containers at me, Which is like the final straw. " DON'T F**KING THROW THINGS AT ME", I storm upstairs and throw the box of Drill bits all over Toby's bedroom floor and go to find me some Breakfast, and she comes into the Kitchen, Crying,
Great now she is going to want me to say i am sorry
I'm not sorry tho, So i say "well you did really over react about....well....Everything, this morning, and all i have had in the way of communication so far is 'get the Drill bits' and 'don't leave the garage door open' dispite the fact i have tried REALLY hard this morning"
"oh thats not fair" she claims,
Yeah well life isn't, and i only stated the truth, now we will have hours where we don't talk and then we will go back to how it always is....Great....*rolls eyes*
I knew then this was going to be a really sh*tty day.
So having been woken up by her ranting and crying, i decide there is no point trying to sleep, so at 8am, very annoyed and very tired, but desperatly wanting to make today easier for everyone, i get up.
I go downstairs, Put the laundry on, and try to keep out of everyones way, till the boys have gone to school, So Mum and Dad go into the study to work, which means Dad works while Mum "Works" meaning answering E-mails. *rolls eyes* Don't know why he puts up with it, I guess she must do some work occasionally.
but while they are in the Study working, I hang out the laundry Empty the Dishwasher, Reconstruct Toby's Desk, move his Furniture back, Put up most of his Shelves, Reload the Diskwasher, and move the Drill, tools and Workmate up to Toby's room, So my Dad can easily sort the bits i can't.
So they Eventually go up and look at what needs doing in Toby's room about an hour later, and all Mum says is "we need the Drawer of Drill bits".
So off i go to go and get it, go into the garage quickly, grab the Drawer and "WHY THE HELL IS THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN". Great Mother has found another thing to blame on me.....S**T.
I was in there LESS THAN 30 SECONDS. and it is ME who has been complaining about the cold and it being left open for HOURS for like the last week, and so i finally loose it, and she starts throwing Plastic containers at me, Which is like the final straw. " DON'T F**KING THROW THINGS AT ME", I storm upstairs and throw the box of Drill bits all over Toby's bedroom floor and go to find me some Breakfast, and she comes into the Kitchen, Crying,
Great now she is going to want me to say i am sorry
I'm not sorry tho, So i say "well you did really over react about....well....Everything, this morning, and all i have had in the way of communication so far is 'get the Drill bits' and 'don't leave the garage door open' dispite the fact i have tried REALLY hard this morning"
"oh thats not fair" she claims,
Yeah well life isn't, and i only stated the truth, now we will have hours where we don't talk and then we will go back to how it always is....Great....*rolls eyes*
"Get it sorted" day
Well yesterday i kinda decided i needed to get some things sorted, and had an actually very productive day. Woke up late, having been up talking with Drew and Friends till 6am (which was a great laugh), and drove into Earley to go see Mr Charles Kenderdine, a mental health Consultant, for the University. Really nice guy, and most amazingly, he actually seemed to know what he was talking about, Which made a really nice change. We talked for over an hour, and decided I didn't really need any help at the moment, but that i would arrange to meet him sometime in November, to update him on how i am coping.
While i was up at the University, i also decided to had in my final form, accepting my place officially, so UCAS and Reading both know i am definetly going now, so feeling pretty good about that. I also got some details about all the halls available at Reading; there are no spaces at the moment, but people are bound to drop out in the first couple of months, so i will fill out the forms and cross my fingers and hope for a space to come up.
Went to see Ben when in Reading as he was working there today, Was FREEZING cold, and i hadn't a coat with me, So was really nice being able to steal his for that 30 mins. Had some lunch and left him to his work again, and came home.
I finished off the little bit of painting i needed to do before the Bed could go back in Toby's room, and then....put the bed back, It really does look so much better now, and this morning i have put the Desk, Chest of Drawers and shelves back as well. I think we are going to take the Radiator off in a short while, to get behind there sorted, and once that is done that literally leaves one end wall, which is the Easiest of all the walls once we take the shelves down...Hehe
was kinda really tired by the evening so spent the time watching "Dexter" which is now definetly in my top 10 TV shows ever. I LURVED it...hehe...
Well i probably have another busy busy day ahead of me, as i have like 3 more days until Freshers week starts, i have a million things to do, and like Very little time to do it in, so busy busy busy for me...
While i was up at the University, i also decided to had in my final form, accepting my place officially, so UCAS and Reading both know i am definetly going now, so feeling pretty good about that. I also got some details about all the halls available at Reading; there are no spaces at the moment, but people are bound to drop out in the first couple of months, so i will fill out the forms and cross my fingers and hope for a space to come up.
Went to see Ben when in Reading as he was working there today, Was FREEZING cold, and i hadn't a coat with me, So was really nice being able to steal his for that 30 mins. Had some lunch and left him to his work again, and came home.
I finished off the little bit of painting i needed to do before the Bed could go back in Toby's room, and then....put the bed back, It really does look so much better now, and this morning i have put the Desk, Chest of Drawers and shelves back as well. I think we are going to take the Radiator off in a short while, to get behind there sorted, and once that is done that literally leaves one end wall, which is the Easiest of all the walls once we take the shelves down...Hehe
was kinda really tired by the evening so spent the time watching "Dexter" which is now definetly in my top 10 TV shows ever. I LURVED it...hehe...
Well i probably have another busy busy day ahead of me, as i have like 3 more days until Freshers week starts, i have a million things to do, and like Very little time to do it in, so busy busy busy for me...
Tuesday 25 September 2007
New friends, old friends, and matters of the heart.
Had a strange day yesterday, one of the those days where it feels like you have a achieved nothing.
Woke up quite late, and had to go see my probation officer, Was only there for like 15 mins, but while waiting for my probation officer to come see me, this guy starts hitting on me, I have to force myself not to laugh, this guy was like...well....Lets just say..." Eurgh"....Hehe
So at last Andy (my probation officer turns up) i practically jump out my seat i am so keen to get away from this weirdo....Hehe.
Went into my bank again and they still haven't sorted my money, well why would they have, I only reported the fraud on my account THREE months ago....*sighs*, but they say it will be done by next week for sure...*fingers crossed*
So i come home, and i actually spend most of the afternoon talking with Drew and Mandie (Drew's best friend's fiance*waves at Mandie*)
Was really good actually, me and Mandie get on like a house on fire, hehe, Which is always fun...;-),
And well i always love talking to Drew, we were both kinda tired yesterday so both really quite quiet, Kind of feels like we are just waiting at the moment, For me to break up with Ben, for Drew to be able to afford to come visit (or to find out if he will be able to), to get to speak in person, just waiting at the moment.
Watched "rope" by Alfred Hitchcock....Interesting watch worth seeing, but i warn you is very strange, and not scarey.
and then Ben came online. I had been thinking about it all day, Well actually for a couple of Days, I wasn't really sure what i was going to say, And i hadn't really planned to talk about it online, In person would have been better really. but anyways, I decided on the truth, Or at least most of it. And i told Ben i am still in love with Drew, and that he still loves me, and that that will probably never change. I don't think Ben knew what to say, nor really took in what i had said, but he just seemed scared of loosing me, but i agreed not to break up with him just yet. I guess i am kinda hoping we can just change our relationship to just friends, but that so rarely works, but just can't see us lasting another month, and i think he is hoping i will fall in love with him, (wishful thinking on his behalf i am afraid).
And then there is the old friends, Heard from several of them last night, First of all Sheryl, she txt me about having to go to the doctor about her weight, I hate us not seeing each other like this, i miss her so much, and i worry about her everyday.
And Nat, Who got home from a night out drinking in Exeter, hehehe, and we just had a nice chat online, before she went to Bed, Apparently she was filling out some important forms, So will be interesting to hear how well she actually managed...Hehe
Due to the fact that i did practically nothing yesterday, I now have a mountain of things to do today, starting with Painting, So I am off to go do some of that now....should be fun.
Woke up quite late, and had to go see my probation officer, Was only there for like 15 mins, but while waiting for my probation officer to come see me, this guy starts hitting on me, I have to force myself not to laugh, this guy was like...well....Lets just say..." Eurgh"....Hehe
So at last Andy (my probation officer turns up) i practically jump out my seat i am so keen to get away from this weirdo....Hehe.
Went into my bank again and they still haven't sorted my money, well why would they have, I only reported the fraud on my account THREE months ago....*sighs*, but they say it will be done by next week for sure...*fingers crossed*
So i come home, and i actually spend most of the afternoon talking with Drew and Mandie (Drew's best friend's fiance*waves at Mandie*)
Was really good actually, me and Mandie get on like a house on fire, hehe, Which is always fun...;-),
And well i always love talking to Drew, we were both kinda tired yesterday so both really quite quiet, Kind of feels like we are just waiting at the moment, For me to break up with Ben, for Drew to be able to afford to come visit (or to find out if he will be able to), to get to speak in person, just waiting at the moment.
Watched "rope" by Alfred Hitchcock....Interesting watch worth seeing, but i warn you is very strange, and not scarey.
and then Ben came online. I had been thinking about it all day, Well actually for a couple of Days, I wasn't really sure what i was going to say, And i hadn't really planned to talk about it online, In person would have been better really. but anyways, I decided on the truth, Or at least most of it. And i told Ben i am still in love with Drew, and that he still loves me, and that that will probably never change. I don't think Ben knew what to say, nor really took in what i had said, but he just seemed scared of loosing me, but i agreed not to break up with him just yet. I guess i am kinda hoping we can just change our relationship to just friends, but that so rarely works, but just can't see us lasting another month, and i think he is hoping i will fall in love with him, (wishful thinking on his behalf i am afraid).
And then there is the old friends, Heard from several of them last night, First of all Sheryl, she txt me about having to go to the doctor about her weight, I hate us not seeing each other like this, i miss her so much, and i worry about her everyday.
And Nat, Who got home from a night out drinking in Exeter, hehehe, and we just had a nice chat online, before she went to Bed, Apparently she was filling out some important forms, So will be interesting to hear how well she actually managed...Hehe
Due to the fact that i did practically nothing yesterday, I now have a mountain of things to do today, starting with Painting, So I am off to go do some of that now....should be fun.
Monday 24 September 2007
Council taxes and getting my way
I received a letter from the council a few weeks back, informing me that i owed them about £700 in council tax, for a property that i was living in earlier this year. I was surprised to say the least, not to even get started on how angry i was. So i had phoned them, and told them i had only been living there 3 months (they said i was living there for 6), and that they should also chase Adam for the money, as he was on the contract too, and hadn't paid a penny in rent.
So anyways, this morning i received a second letter, telling me they had adjusted for me only living there 3 months but i still owed them £310.10, including court bills....
...Wait a minute....Court Bills....This should never have gone to court, i didn't even know i owed money.
So on the phone i go. Call them up, and ask why it went to court, Well apparently they sent letters to the flat AFTER we had moved out, Well not exactly my fault I didn't get them then really i tell them. And the lady eventually agrees, So says I still owe £247.
Granted this is a lot better than the £700 we started with, But i am not giving up there....
I ask why they have been unable to locate Adam, as i gave them his mothers details, and she has been to Visit him, so definetly knows where he lives.
The lady still seemed unconvinced, so time to pull out all the stops...
*turn on water works*...
"look it has been a really crap 6 months"....
I explain that Adam didn't pay a single penny when we were living there, and that they should get him to pay at least half of it.
And to my surprise the lady Agrees,
"so you will pay half then?" she asks me.
I tell her i will pay my half once they have got the other half out of him.
"tell you what..." she says. "let us try and get the whole lot out of him, and then if we still can't get the money then you can pay your half"
I am nearly dancing by this point, finally he is getting his comeuppance, but have to stay "Distressed"...
I finish off the conversation in true dramatic style.
"I am so sorry, i didn't mean to be so pushy, i have just had enough of him dumping all this crap on me *sniffle*. thank you for all your help *sniff sniff* "
I hang up, Dry my eyes, and shout
"I DID IT!"
and for once, Adam is going to get what he diserves, to pay for what is owed for once in his life.
And once again i can't help but be thankful he is out of my life.
So anyways, this morning i received a second letter, telling me they had adjusted for me only living there 3 months but i still owed them £310.10, including court bills....
...Wait a minute....Court Bills....This should never have gone to court, i didn't even know i owed money.
So on the phone i go. Call them up, and ask why it went to court, Well apparently they sent letters to the flat AFTER we had moved out, Well not exactly my fault I didn't get them then really i tell them. And the lady eventually agrees, So says I still owe £247.
Granted this is a lot better than the £700 we started with, But i am not giving up there....
I ask why they have been unable to locate Adam, as i gave them his mothers details, and she has been to Visit him, so definetly knows where he lives.
The lady still seemed unconvinced, so time to pull out all the stops...
*turn on water works*...
"look it has been a really crap 6 months"....
I explain that Adam didn't pay a single penny when we were living there, and that they should get him to pay at least half of it.
And to my surprise the lady Agrees,
"so you will pay half then?" she asks me.
I tell her i will pay my half once they have got the other half out of him.
"tell you what..." she says. "let us try and get the whole lot out of him, and then if we still can't get the money then you can pay your half"
I am nearly dancing by this point, finally he is getting his comeuppance, but have to stay "Distressed"...
I finish off the conversation in true dramatic style.
"I am so sorry, i didn't mean to be so pushy, i have just had enough of him dumping all this crap on me *sniffle*. thank you for all your help *sniff sniff* "
I hang up, Dry my eyes, and shout
"I DID IT!"
and for once, Adam is going to get what he diserves, to pay for what is owed for once in his life.
And once again i can't help but be thankful he is out of my life.
Sunday 23 September 2007
Lola
Well for anyone who doesn't know, Lola is my baby cousin, She is the prettiest little girl in the world, 9 months old, and laughs at almost anything.
Anyways, i went with my Uncle and Aunt (lola's mum and Dad) to Somerset this weekend, so that i could babysit her for them while they when to a mini festival, It was the first time she had been left at night, so was a really big deal for all involved...and as predicted, Lola was not impressed at being left, and Screamed at me for about an hour and a half, before becoming so tired that she couldn't keep her little eyes open any longer. but on top of all this she seems to have got a bit of a chest infection, (poor lass) so was coughing lots, and didn't want to lie down, So this meant i spent all night with her asleep in my arms leaning on my shoulder. But after we spent that evening together she really took to me, and i then spent most of the next day with her too...hehe, And we had a great time playing with all her toys, and my phone which she thought was very tasty, and i realised she had managed to get dribble inside it...*rolls eyes*. but anyways, had a really wonderful time and will definetly be babysitting for her again, as i miss her already.
I have pictures of the two of us if anyone wants to see, just ask...hehe
Ended up going to Ben's last night as he really missed me, Haha, watch some movies, And i slept LOADS last night, as Lola had kept me awake all Friday night...hehe.
Went to the Pub for a bit today and watched the fast and the Furious, but on the whole a quiet day, and a nice end to a great weekend...
Anyways, i went with my Uncle and Aunt (lola's mum and Dad) to Somerset this weekend, so that i could babysit her for them while they when to a mini festival, It was the first time she had been left at night, so was a really big deal for all involved...and as predicted, Lola was not impressed at being left, and Screamed at me for about an hour and a half, before becoming so tired that she couldn't keep her little eyes open any longer. but on top of all this she seems to have got a bit of a chest infection, (poor lass) so was coughing lots, and didn't want to lie down, So this meant i spent all night with her asleep in my arms leaning on my shoulder. But after we spent that evening together she really took to me, and i then spent most of the next day with her too...hehe, And we had a great time playing with all her toys, and my phone which she thought was very tasty, and i realised she had managed to get dribble inside it...*rolls eyes*. but anyways, had a really wonderful time and will definetly be babysitting for her again, as i miss her already.
I have pictures of the two of us if anyone wants to see, just ask...hehe
Ended up going to Ben's last night as he really missed me, Haha, watch some movies, And i slept LOADS last night, as Lola had kept me awake all Friday night...hehe.
Went to the Pub for a bit today and watched the fast and the Furious, but on the whole a quiet day, and a nice end to a great weekend...
Thursday 20 September 2007
Crashes, Green Knees, and Opera
Well this is a promising start, I actually remembered to come back and post again.
The Title of this post is referring to things that all happened today, but none are actually that great nor, interesting, so i will keep this breif, so as not to put you to sleep.
Will start at the end and the most recent, With Opera, Which was being really mean to me, and i cannot get it to let me log into this shiney new blog of mine, so having to revert to mozilla, hoping i will figure it out sometime.
Spent most of the morning painting my little brothers room, Which i started decorating back when it was still my room, but as i never finished it, well i am the one getting the pale green paint which is supposed to be on the walls, all over my knees....hehe
As both Toby and Max had an inset days at school today, and so were both at home bothering our parents, decided we would go watch the transformers movie, Only when we tried to go watch it, there was a nasty crash on one of the main routes we were taking, and had to take a big detour, and that isn't even starting on the terrible traffic, but anyways, we didn't get to the cinema till 40 mins after the film had started, so decided to watch the wonderfully british film, "Run Fatboy, Run", starting the wonderful Simon Pegg, whos movies are all must sees....hehe, and the drop dead Gorgeous Thandie Newton.
And then i have spent this evening, listening to KT Tunstall and Lily Allen, watching CSI and talking to AM. so a good evening...
The Title of this post is referring to things that all happened today, but none are actually that great nor, interesting, so i will keep this breif, so as not to put you to sleep.
Will start at the end and the most recent, With Opera, Which was being really mean to me, and i cannot get it to let me log into this shiney new blog of mine, so having to revert to mozilla, hoping i will figure it out sometime.
Spent most of the morning painting my little brothers room, Which i started decorating back when it was still my room, but as i never finished it, well i am the one getting the pale green paint which is supposed to be on the walls, all over my knees....hehe
As both Toby and Max had an inset days at school today, and so were both at home bothering our parents, decided we would go watch the transformers movie, Only when we tried to go watch it, there was a nasty crash on one of the main routes we were taking, and had to take a big detour, and that isn't even starting on the terrible traffic, but anyways, we didn't get to the cinema till 40 mins after the film had started, so decided to watch the wonderfully british film, "Run Fatboy, Run", starting the wonderful Simon Pegg, whos movies are all must sees....hehe, and the drop dead Gorgeous Thandie Newton.
And then i have spent this evening, listening to KT Tunstall and Lily Allen, watching CSI and talking to AM. so a good evening...
Wednesday 19 September 2007
A beginninng??
My life, and what an interesting adventure it has turned out to be so far, Much more so than i ever would have predicted.
And so i figured i should keep a note of it, and taking Lead from Drew (you know who you are), i decided what better place than a blog.
I have reached a point in my life where i want to move on, not forget, but at least not dwell on the last year, So i will mearly Summerise for Clarity.
Sept 06, broke up with James, out of need for affection, Found Adam
Oct 06, moved in with Adam, after fight with Family.
Dec 06, very depressed, started stealing from work,
Jan-April 07, became even more depressed, started hating myself
May07, Got arrested, Stopped Stealing, lost job, Moved to Scotland.
June 07, realised what a mess i had made of everything and was rescued by family.
So now i have summed up all the shit of the last year, I can tell you about the good things, how I got to where i am now.
I got myself a great GP and managed to get myself onto some Meds for my depression, and started to remember i wasn't the usless, ugly bitch, AJ had spent the last 9months telling me i was.
I haven't had a single Episode since i went on these new meds, So i am hopeful that i can live the life i always wanted with out the Constant fear of becoming Madame Super-Bitch again.
I decided to go to Uni, I am going to study Electronical Enginneering, Something completely Different for me, Had to really fight my way onto the course, But i did it, and i can't wait, So excited. It is truely a fresh start for me. A chance to set a real Career in motion, So that i can put the mistakes i made in the past, and focus on the future.
I have a really sweet new boyfriend, Ben who has done wonders for my Ego, it is swelling by the day, and for the first time in many years, I am just having fun, enjoying my life. I am starting to feel like the person i used to be, the confident me, that i loved so dearly, and the me that Drew fell in love with all those years ago now,
And then i could start on Drew and me, well that is a whole mountain of emotions, and complications, But through all the mess, there is this glowing light which makes my heart float.
But most important of all, I have realised one thing, how important my emotions are, how much my happiness is really worth, And that i should remember to live MY life, and not contort myself to fit everyone elses ideals. And for that i would like to thank my family for their faith in me; Ben for seeing me for who i really am; and most of all Drew, for loving me, trusting me, and being there for me, always, even when I had done nothing to diserve it.
And so i figured i should keep a note of it, and taking Lead from Drew (you know who you are), i decided what better place than a blog.
I have reached a point in my life where i want to move on, not forget, but at least not dwell on the last year, So i will mearly Summerise for Clarity.
Sept 06, broke up with James, out of need for affection, Found Adam
Oct 06, moved in with Adam, after fight with Family.
Dec 06, very depressed, started stealing from work,
Jan-April 07, became even more depressed, started hating myself
May07, Got arrested, Stopped Stealing, lost job, Moved to Scotland.
June 07, realised what a mess i had made of everything and was rescued by family.
So now i have summed up all the shit of the last year, I can tell you about the good things, how I got to where i am now.
I got myself a great GP and managed to get myself onto some Meds for my depression, and started to remember i wasn't the usless, ugly bitch, AJ had spent the last 9months telling me i was.
I haven't had a single Episode since i went on these new meds, So i am hopeful that i can live the life i always wanted with out the Constant fear of becoming Madame Super-Bitch again.
I decided to go to Uni, I am going to study Electronical Enginneering, Something completely Different for me, Had to really fight my way onto the course, But i did it, and i can't wait, So excited. It is truely a fresh start for me. A chance to set a real Career in motion, So that i can put the mistakes i made in the past, and focus on the future.
I have a really sweet new boyfriend, Ben who has done wonders for my Ego, it is swelling by the day, and for the first time in many years, I am just having fun, enjoying my life. I am starting to feel like the person i used to be, the confident me, that i loved so dearly, and the me that Drew fell in love with all those years ago now,
And then i could start on Drew and me, well that is a whole mountain of emotions, and complications, But through all the mess, there is this glowing light which makes my heart float.
But most important of all, I have realised one thing, how important my emotions are, how much my happiness is really worth, And that i should remember to live MY life, and not contort myself to fit everyone elses ideals. And for that i would like to thank my family for their faith in me; Ben for seeing me for who i really am; and most of all Drew, for loving me, trusting me, and being there for me, always, even when I had done nothing to diserve it.
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