One Bad Day.

Well today was just one of those days, I knew from early on it was not going to be much fun. I woke up way to early feeling sick and apprehensive about going back to uni, which was something that was never going to be easy for me. I sat around and by the time i have managed to get myself out the door, i was running late for my very first lecture.
So me being me, i failed to talk myself into going into the lecture as i thought the idea of everyone looking at me while I walk in late would be the stuff of nightmares.
So I don't go, but trying to be proactive i manage to see a disability supervisor, a really helpful, nice guy and we get things sorted a bit more, so feeling a little better, off i head to lecture number 2, which goes pretty well, I understand most of it and have a recording to get the rest later, same with lecture 3 (by this time i am tired and bored but still going).
So a lunch break during which i get some support sorted for practicals which are the bit that mentally i find most difficult.
and also find out there are "no practicals this week", or so i am told.
So off i go to lecture 4, where i am promptly told that there IS a practical that afternoon, and a few little alarm bells start ringing.
I try to catch the lecturer at the end, but he leaves to quickly. So i go to lecture 5, i feel myself getting more and more tense, but i have managed to record all of the lectures so far, and managed to take a few notes, so wasn't feeling too bad, but then, I was a little late for the practical, and as i stood there in the door way i just wanted the cry, i could feel every bone in my body shaking, and i felt dizzy, faint and short of breath, there was no way i was going in that room, i felt so vulnerable. So i managed to get the attention of the lecturer and told him that i couldn't cope, and I came home.
To be honest i was feeling okay, not great, but okay, and was just glad for that, but on getting home, everything seemed to not work, or just be difficult, and it was frustrating and tiring.
Then my computer started giving me trouble, i noticed how much of a mess there still is in my room, and I became painfully aware that the idea of practicals scares the living crap out of me, and i am not sure this is something just a mentor can help me beat.
I became very upset, and my depression peaked, and i could not help but cry, and I wanted to not be stuck doing some uni course i care so little about, away from the person who more than anything i want to be with. So i talked to Him, which helped, and i yelled at my mother, which also helped, and had a hug from my best friend, again which helped, and some cider which i am not sure helped, but was nice.
And so now i am drained and tired, and a little cross with myself.
And feeling guilty for dumping this on others. (thank you all by the way, whether you read this or not). But i will be okay, if not tonight, then tomorrow, when i can try again.